A NAKED COOK RECIPE… mmm!
I am thinking… mhhh… yes… ohh…. of a naked man in my kitchen.
For a man who can cook, has won half the essie battle – and with that half the essie heart.
Inspired by a Reversa commercial that unfortunately can’t be found online anymore, I have created a special recipe for men who are ready to properly ‘prepare’ a woman.
Preperation time: the longer, the better
For 2 persons
– 1 chair
– 1 towel, for when things get… wet
– a tiny apron, to avoid you getting sticky
– 1 woman of your choice
– 2 small cups of sushi rice, cooked
– 3 tablespoons of rice vinegar
– 1 tablespoon of suger
– 1 teaspoon of salt
– 300 gr. of fresh, raw salmon, best quality
– soja sauce
Pre-heat the kitchen to a comfortable 24 degrees centigrade. Place the chair in the kitchen, but not too close to the kitchen worktop. Have a towel ready next to the chair – you never know how wet things might get. Take a wooden spoon and put the cooked sushi rice in a bowl. Place the bowl on a table mat.
Get undressed, yes, completely. Put on the apron. You are now ready to fetch the main ingredient: the woman of your choice. Place her on the chair. Make sure she has a good view on you, from behind. She should not be able to see the other ingredients on the kitchen worktop. Now… get to work.
Take a small bowl and pour about 3 tablespoons of rice vinegar into it. Add 1 tablespoon of sugar and 1 teaspoon of salt. Stir the dressing thoroughly. Now pour the dressing over the cooked rice. Put the bowl of rice in front of your belly. Take the wooden spoon. Start moving your arm in circles, very slowly, more slowly even, uhuh… yes… stir the rice until it has cooled off – completely. To give it more of a swing, move your pelvis in the same circling movement. Very good. If you do this correctly, you should be hearing the woman breathing deeply behind you.
Once the rice has cooled off, place the bowl to your side and prepare a large plate in front of you. Take some of the sticky rice in your hand. Lay your hand on the plate. Shape the rice into into a small sausage by squeezing it gently. Move your arm back and forth while your are rolling the rice. Don’t move your arm too far, just a bit. Do it again, mmm… yes… use up all the rice. Every grain. Give each and every rice sausage your utmost attention.
Is the plate filled with nice little rolls of rice? Take the wasabi and caress the top of the rice rolls with it. Be careful with the amount; you don’t want the woman to get burned!
Now take a cutting board, put the salmon on it and take a sharp cutting knife. Cut the fish into pieces the size of the rice rolls by moving the hand in which you hold the knife back and forth in front of you. You can move your arm a bit further now. A tip: move not just your arm, but your whole body back and forth; that way you don’t have to put much pressure on the knife and make the cutting easier. Your body does all the work… oh yes…
By now you should hear some sighing from the woman seated on the chair behind you. If not, move more slowly. The more time you take – the more love you put into your creation – the better she will taste. Nod, move your head up and down slowly, so she knows everything is going well.
Continue your work until you hear her groan. Turn around and see if she has started perspiring. Yes? That is the sign that she is ready – well, almost. Is her hand placed between her legs? Well then, hurry up before she is overdone!
You can now lay the slices of salmon on the rice rolls. Gently press it, so it sticks better. Pour some soja sauce in a tiny bowl.
Take your apron off and bring the plate, the bowl with the soja sauce and some chop sticks to the woman on the chair. Dip a salmon sushi in the soja sauce. Stuff the woman. If she is moaning, your main dish is ready to be served and consumed: