When something is stuck in your head it can help writing it down. Maybe it gets easier to tear itself from your system and life can finally go on again. This weekend a specific fantasy popped up and didn’t let go of me. Let’s see if this does the trick. Enjoy Goodbye.Mind.Fuck. It won’t get any more real than this.

You stand in my room, waiting for me to tell you what to do. I let you wait a while longer until it almost gets uncomfortable. My face tries to tell you I am bored to bits. It’s not true. I am playing your game. I have pictured this scenery in the back of my head a hundred times. It’s not the role I very much want to slip in to, but I had been willing to do so because of you. Today, I am not willing. It is simply something I have to do to put an end to it all.

“Take your clothes off.”
There is this grin already. The one I used to love. Naughty anticipation shines from your eyes.
“Hurry up, I have no need for watching.”
I don’t want you to think it means so much to me, that after all this time you are finally here, stripping down to the bone. 
For some reason you leave your boxer shorts on. Not practical.
“Take those off too. And put your clothes on the bed.”
You do what I say.
All naked now I do look at you, all the inches my hands ache to touch. All of you that never wanted me. Not really anyway. It still hurts, but differently. I try not to show it. 

“Take a chair and sit down, with your chest toward the backrest.”
I have practised how you’d have to sit in order for me to do my thing. The wooden chair, the one from the table you once fucked me senseless on, would do just fine.
“Let you dick hang out in front. You need to spread your legs more and move as much to the backrest as you can. Yes, like that.”
“That’s not comfortable”, you mumble.
“Of course it isn’t.”
Well, what do you think. I take one of my ropes and get on my knees in front of you. Your dick is almost completely hard. It would be so easy to take it into my mouth. So tempting. But I won’t. I put on a poker face. I know I am not good at that, but I try anyway.
“Cross your arms.”
I bind your wrists tightly together, not giving any attention to the aesthetics of my knot, and fixate you to the upper part of the backrest. Now your feet. You always said you were able to escape my knots if you wanted to. Today, where I decide I will not want to keep you anymore, you most certainly will not. You can’t go anywhere.

I stand up and observe the scene I have created. Looks good to me. I take my blindfold and wrap it around your beautiful face. There is no need for you to see me. You can slip into whatever fantasy you want, with what ever girl you truly want to fuck. For my part, I can’t handle the thought of you looking at me. Not anymore.

Everything I need now is in a red box that I keep next to my bed. In the last few months I had been very close to throwing its content away. I don’t want someone else to play with me like you have. I don’t want some man to find out how much pain I can handle. It’s impossible. You’ve spoiled me for life. The rest of men, sex and having feelings all together.
Today I am glad I have kept it. In a way, this is my chance to return it all of it to you. I take the candle, light a match and hold it at the bottom. It just has to melt a little bit so I can fixate it on a closet nearby. After a few minutes there will be enough fluid wax for me to play with. The bull whip you’ve given me for my birthday gets neatly placed on my bed. I also need something I’ve bought especially for this occasion. You don’t know about it. It’s a riding crop. I’ve seen what it can do and am somehow convinced I will be able to handle it better than the whip. I open the drawer of my bed and take it out. For a second I wonder if I could make you bleed. Would that please me?

In the kitchen I fill a glass with ice cubes and put it on the table. You have been quiet all the time. Then you say:
“It has taken a long time for you to finally do this with me.”
“Ah, thanks for reminding me…”
I have forgotten to gag you.
“I think it is better if you shut your mouth”, I add.
“It’s not like you were that eager to come visit me.”
I pull down my jeans and slip out of my panties. Of course they are moist. How could they not be. I put them back on. Not yet. I get a fresh, dry pair, take your face in one hand and push my panties against your lips with the other.
“Open up and shut up, asshole.”
You giggle, then you obey. Those lips. How I want to kiss them. I push that thought back in the mental box where it belongs. You should have come to me more often instead of letting me long for you for weeks and months on end. Of course all I could think of was having your dick inside of me. Not playing games and going down that rabbit hole of yours.

“I don’t want to hear a single sound from you. If you need me to stop what I am doing, stamp three times on the floor with your right foot. I have tied that one a bit loser than your left.” You nod.
“Test it.”
You stamp your foot three times. Good. We can begin.

I take the rest of my clothes off. My half cup bra I leave on for my own visual pleasure. Then I sit down behind you on the chair. My body is cold. I press myself against your back and ass. My nipples respond.
“Umpf.” You shiver. Goosebumps appear. The soft hair on your arms rise.
“What have I just said?”

I grab your hair and pull your head back. My nose runs along the side of your neck. One last time I inhale your scent. I can’t prevent it, a moan escapes me. I pull a bit more. My tongue follows the same line. Now you moan. Enough. I get up.

Let’s start with cold. One ice cube. I slide it down your spine. It melts quickly from the warmth of your body. Two more. I take one in each hand and press them directly on your nipples. I doubt you enjoy it, but you are a good boy and stay quiet. Then they touch your belly, your cock. It jumps up a bit. You breathe deeply, but still no sound. The candle seems ready now. I throw one large splash down your neck. You arch your back. Take that you bastard, I think. I put the candle back and let it burn a while for the next round. With the tail of your whip I caress your body carefully. You recognise what it is. That wonderful feeling of anticipation, right? With all the force I have I hit my bed with it. The sound is impressive. Then I wait. You seem to prepare for me to hit you next. No, no. Not when you want it and not how you want it.

The candle is ready again. This time the hot wax runs down from your belly button along the base of your penis towards your balls. With the few drops that I spared I mark your cock all the way to the top. Now you make some sounds.
“Shut up, or this all stops right now and you can go.”
You get your act together. Again, I hit the bed with your whip. And again I let it slide down gently from your body. Without a sound I kneel down in front of you, turn the tail of the whip a few times around your cock and pull it towards me like a dog. Nothing much has happened yet and already drops are dripping off your penis to the floor.
“Ah, you like that, huh?” I lick your sweet drops away. It excites me. I really want to suck you, just one more time. After quickly removing most of the dried up wax, my mouth takes your cock in as far as I can without having the reflex to gag. Inside an ice cube surprises you. I move my head back and forth. My tongue plays with you and the wet coldness. You grow harder in my mouth. Obviously this is good for you. It is certainly very good for me. For a few moments I forget what this is actually all about.

Once the ice has melted I suck harder. I get you close to coming and stop. It is time to take this game to the next level. First, I take off my soaked undies. You can have them as a little reward. I take the clean one out of your mouth. Some of your spit comes with it. My soaked slip goes in. You taste me, alright.
I remember how you once poured the wax on my feet. The skin is much thinner there so the heat feels a lot more intense. I want you to have that experience. With the hot wax I spray both your feet at once. You moan again.
“Not that nice, huh, pussy? You are lucky I am not ending it right then and there. But… I am not finished with you yet.”
I take the riding crop and hit your back hard enough to give you a good first impression of what it can do.
Another “umpf”.
Very well. I hit you again, just a bit harder. Not waiting even a full second, again. And again. I like the marks it leaves on your skin. My fingers run down the red lines. I sit down behind you, grab your dick and start jerking you off. It’s so hard, I want it so badly. As I get up, I leave a wet spot on the chair. Now its me that’s dripping.
“I think you can handle a few more hits.” No sound. More importantly, no stamping on the floor. Yet. The crop lands hard on a lower spot on your back. You moan loud. I like it. Again. Again. Then I move in front of you and hit your thighs. Yes, that hurts. Again. Then… the glans of your dick. I hit it a few more times, quicker and quicker, as hard as I think you can handle for a first timer. To show you how pleased I am my lips gently kiss it. My tongue slides up and down the shaft, I suck hard and repeat. Hit. Hit. Hit. Tongue. Suck.

In the meanwhile my free hand is working between my legs. I want to get comfortable, though, so I decide to move you and the chair towards the bed. I lay down, let my feet rest against your chest and enjoy the gorgeous view. I don’t think I will need that long to come, but I am impatient and take my phone. One girl, four guys. The volume is tuned on just loud enough for you to understand what it is I am watching. I have seen this video a couple of times. The part where she gets fucked from behind while the other three men alternately mouth-fuck her always gets me coming soon and hard. It is on the list, watching porn together. I have adjusted that wish. You do not get to watch. 

I stare at the screen, then at you. Your face is red. I wonder what you would say if you could speak. With my index and middle finger I spread my pussy fluid on my clit. I make sure you can hear the slippery sound it makes. The guys in the video are moaning. Mmmh, just how I like it. The girl has her mouth full. I have the man I have been desiring every day for the passed two years tied up, blindfolded and gagged in front of me. I could come any moment. With both my feet I squeeze and hold your cock. My fingers slow down a bit, allowing me to concentrate on massaging you. But today it is my turn to come first. My fingers increase speed and not much later my orgasm follows. I scream from intense pleasure. It’s as good as it can possible get.

There is a nice wet spot on my sheets. I want you to know how moist I am and smear some of my cum on your lips. This is the last time you will ever taste me. Do you know that? Your cock looks like its about to explode. I pull you and the chair back in the original position. I want to try the bull whip now. Without much thinking I hit you again and again. Your back is almost completely red. No blood. Could I hit you any harder… In my head I don’t stop. In reality I decide otherwise. You are shaking, but you still have not stamped. One more time I go down on my knees and suck your cock. No, I don’t want you to come like that. I quickly unwrap a condom, put it on, turn around and lead you inside my pulsating pussy. Why does it all feel so damn good with you…

You want me to fuck you like you fuck me? Like an animal? I’m gonna fuck you in fucking slow motion and you will love it. I move my ass back and forth as slowly as possible, tense my muscles to make my pussy tighter. I let your cock almost slip out. Then back in again, so deep and so slowly. I circle my hips and combine both moves. You are struggling not to come. Okay then, I will increase speed. You are not in control. I move faster and faster. This will be over soon. As you come your moan is numbed by my undies. I don’t stop fucking you until I am sure you have finished completely. I envy your long orgasms. You are so lucky.

I give myself a moment to catch my breath. I move forward and feel you slip out of me. As I put on my clothes I look at you. Your body shines from sweating. The wings of your nose move up and down. You try to get enough air. I take my undies out of your mouth so breathing gets easier. I untie your feet. You move a bit and stretch your legs. I love the imprint of the ropes on your ankles. As long as you are still tied to the chair I take my chance and caress you. Baby, I don’t want to love you like this anymore. I can’t. But part if me always will.

I untie your hands. You remove the blindfold. Your eyes need to adjust to the sudden light.
“Please get dressed and go.”
I won’t let you stay longer than you have to. I won’t look at you and see your face drop from bliss to destruction like it did every other time. This time the memory stays like it is right now, at least for me. Without saying a word you collect your clothes and put them on. I stare into thin air as you close the door behind you.

This never happened and it never will. Goodbye.mind.fuck.