Summer has gone, autumn is knocking on our doors and so it is time for NMHW to start getting back into the saddle. Or in other words: I have been reading various articles on bodyshaming and fetishism that annoyed me so much I can’t fight off the need to vent about it anymore. Ready? Wait for it… Here we go. 

Andre Shakti, a journalist, activist and indie performer whose work I highly appreciate, recently wrote an article for kinkly.com with the title “How Sex Work and Fetishization Increased My Body Confidence“. She explains that it has taken her many years to come to terms with the fact that she has long inner labia and a large clitoral hood. Shakti started watching porn at an early age. Based on the tiny, hairless vulvas she observed online she figured she must be deformed ‘down there’. This idea plus the negative messages she received regarding her vulva negatively influenced her sex life and her career in the business of adult entertainment well into her twenties. This all changed for the better once she realised her “large labia were in high demand within a niche fetish market“. 

A few days later another article caught my eye. I remember a sentence sounding something like: “You have a fetish for large women? Leave me alone!“. On an independent amateur platform I recently reviewed I discovered their fetish category had search terms such as ‘freckles’, ‘red hair’, ‘full bush’, ‘tiny breasts’, ‘large breasts’ and ‘natural breasts’. I think that did it for me. Honestly peeps, what’s going on here? How come perfectly natural, normal body parts and features that indicate people are adults have become or have to be a fetish to be accepted and appreciated?

If anything should be a fetish, shouldn’t it be the operated, hairless, underaged pussy look? Or the fake butts, lifted balls, lips and breasts? And even that is questionable, for what does the word ‘fetish’ actually mean?

Originally a fetish is a non-living object that is worshipped for its supposed magical power or for believing it to be inhabited by a spirit.
In psychology a fetish is a sexual interest in an object, for instance high heels or stockings, or in body parts other than the sex organs, such as feet or hair. Having a sexual fetish is often considered to be abnormal or sick. A fetish only gets to be a problem if a person’s sexual arousal is completely dependent on the fetish. For most of us kinksters, though, it is just a change of scenery. 

So let me ask you this: is a pussy with long labia a fetish object? Is it abnormal to like women who are not skinny or well-toned, with natural breasts? Or men who have, I dunno, asymmetrical balls or an unshaved chest? Red hair? Asian? Black? A bit of both? Big eyes? I am sorry, but I really wish we would all stop making the current beauty ideals the standard and fetishise everything else to make it acceptable for ourselves to prefer/like/enjoy/love the normal and the natural over fake and fantasy.