Yes, you’ve guessed right: I am pregnant. In fact, I am almost halfway through. It seems I won’t be bringing a naked man into this world, but we are not 100% sure yet and hope to find out on Wednesday if it’s really a girl or a boy. In any case it is a happy time for us. We can’t wait until it is August and we can hold our child in our arms…

After I had found out that I had a bun in the oven, I told one of my mail friends about it. He asked me if I – being in this condition – was still interested in naked men… A curious question I thought, because why wouldn’t I be? Then my partner suggested I should write something for men about pregnant women and sexuality in general. I did think it would be a good idea, but wanted to wait until I would be in the safe zone, so to speak. Now I believe the time is right to give some insight in a pregnant woman’s thoughts and desires, although obviously every woman experience this fascinating time in her life differently.

FIRST TRIMESTER
For me the first three months were not the time of my life. The pregnancy started with painful, sensitive breasts and continued with belly aches, tiredness and feeling constantly close to throwing up. One would think naked men and having sex were of least interest to me, but honestly it was quite the opposite. Even though my body did not seem willing, thoughts about sex popped up – a lot. Additionally, I had a strong desire to have orgasms.

During the first trimester the female body is undergoing both physical and hormonal changes. The breasts are getter bigger – which can make a woman feel quite sexy, I tell you – and the blood circulation in the vulva and vagina increases. The sensitivity that comes with it, makes that the breasts and vulva respond a lot quicker to stimulation. Reaching an orgasm in this state of the pregnancy can be an extreme experience. The sensation lasts longer and feels more intense. Afterwards it is possible to feel the muscles in the lower belly area contract. This can feel less pleasurable, but it only lasts a few seconds. The reward is total relaxation and relief of pain afterwards.

The increased desire to have sex can be explained because of the emotional state of the woman. If it is a wanted pregnancy, she will be very happy and in love with her partner. No wonder she wants to be close to him! So dear men, be naked and available for her when she wants you to. Use this time to get even closer to her!

Wild and rough sex sessions should probably be avoided, but there is no need to be worried about losing the baby because of having (solo) sex, unless the doctor has adviced you to be careful. Ask your doctor to be sure. Other than that, keep in mind that when the woman feels good, the baby does too 🙂 When she climaxes, the waves in her belly must be a pleasant sensation for the baby.

If your partner does not feel lustful and rejects sex, it is important to respect this and to not push her or nag about it. Remember, she is most likely feeling quite sick. But… don’t give up and use some alternative strategies. Get a good massage oil as a present and offer to give her belly, breasts and back a soft and slow massage before she goes to bed. This will not only make her feel relaxed, it might stimulate her into wanting more. Just see how she responds to your touch and go from there. If she still does not want to, though, respect her wishes and simply be there for her.

SECOND TRIMESTER
For most women, the second phase of the pregnancy is a good one. Feelings of sickness have disappeared and her energy levels are back to normal. The breasts, especially the nipples, are still very sensitive, but they do not hurt so much anymore. And of course, the belly starts to grow. After a few weeks she may start sensing some movements in her belly, which is a wonderful experience. All in all, she will most likely feel very feminine and joyous. The first trimester is always an insecure one, because during this time the risk of losing the embryo is at its highest. Knowing that she has made it through without any problems or complications, brings peace of mind in the second phase.

When it comes to her sexual desires, she will probably feel and behave like she did before the pregnancy. Some women will want more sex, others less. It can be that her sexual rhythm has changed. For instance, maybe she now wants you more during the day and not so much at night. If she has been quite active during the day, she’ll be too tired in the evening. Connect with her and her belly, be there for her, let her lead and don’t let any opportunity slip away 😉

On an emotional level it is very important that the man is involved with the pregnancy. Accompany her to her doctor’s appointments, read her books about the pregnancy, ask about her needs and fantasise about the future. All this makes her feel even closer to you – and you to her and your baby!

THIRD TRIMESTER
I am not in the third trimester myself, but I can imagine it being a more difficult time than the second trimester. This is the time where the belly will really start to become massive. Her back will ache more due to the weight, so she will be less mobile and less flexible. Some women feel fat and sexually unattractive. In this case the man needs to convince her otherwise. Being a woman myself, I am aware this is a challenge to say the least. But try. If you find her less attractive due to the increase of weight, remember that she looks like that because she is lovingly carrying your baby. It goes with the package.

I have heard that during this period it is often the men who do not want to have sex. Not just or only because of the belly, but because of the baby. It can simply be the idea of the woman having a tiny human being inside her, or the fear that the baby might notice something during sex that can take away the man’s libido. There is not much I can say that may eliminate these thoughts. The baby certainly won’t be thinking anything bad about whatever it is its parents are doing. This is something the man needs to convince himself of. Like I have written before: if the woman is feeling good, so is the baby. Other than that, her having a human being inside her is the most natural thing in the world. There is no need to think anything strange about it.

What is interesting to know, is that at the end of the pregnancy lovemaking – with both partners climaxing – can induce labor. Both the female hormone oxytocin and the male hormone prostaglandin are responsible for this natural induction and come in very handy when the baby decides to arrive late. Read more here.

Another fascinating phenomena you might want to make yourself and your partner familiar with, is the ability of a woman to experience an orgasmic birth.

Last but not least, there are positions that make it easier and more comfortable to have sex when the belly starts to get in the way. Two favourite positions are:

– The spoon position.
– The woman sitting on her hands and knees, having a pile of soft pillows supporting her belly, the man coming from behind.

I think it is important that women do not lose interest in sex during pregnancy. Sex is good for our physical and mental health, it helps relaxing, decreases feelings of discomfort and intensifies our relationship and the intimacy we share with our partner. Men should be sensitive to this. Talk to her, respect her wishes, explain yours and be lovingly creative 🙂

N.B.: the beautiful images that I have used for this article can be found on Albright Creative Imagery – Intimate Pregnancy.